Hey, I don’t make up these things, I just respond to them. The big day is Saturday, January 22, in case you were wondering. I sat down with my boys, Charlie and Henry, to see if there was anything they wanted to know.
Me: So boys, do you have any questions?
Charlie: Actually, there is something we’ve been meaning to talk to you about…
Henry: Why do you sit in that giant water bowl? It’s not right.
Charlie: Sometimes the water tastes good, though.
Me: It’s a bathtub. I can’t clean myself by licking the way you do, so I have to do it that way. That’s oatmeal bath stuff you’re tasting, Charlie.
Henry: Will you rub my tummy?
Charlie: We could lick you clean. I clean Henry’s ears for him.
Me: Thanks babe, but your tongue would get really tired. You do a great job on Henry’s ears, btw.
Henry: Do you want to clean my ears?
Charlie: Not now, Henry. OK, why do you go away for hours and hours? You know you’re supposed to stay here with us so we can sleep on you.
Me: I have to go to work so I can earn cat food, toy mousies, and fresh litter for you two.
Charlie: That’s not acceptable.
Me: Sorry, Charlie, it’s just something we have to work around.
Charlie: Henry, pay attention. It’s time for THE question.
Henry: What . . . oh, THAT question.
Charlie: Why, in the name of all that is holy, do you insist on—
Henry: WHY do you keep opening cans of not-tuna?
Me: I’m sorry about that. It’s a people thing. How about I go open a can of real tuna now, then after you lick up all the tuna water we can all cuddle on the couch for a while?
Charlie: That’s why we keep you around
Henry: Will you rub my tummy again after tuna water?